Frame of Reference

My closet door is literally on its last proverbial leg, I guess what most would call a “hinge”. It has been like this for approximately 3 months and every morning it greets me, leaning slightly more to the right. Or left.

            Depending on whether you’re coming or going.

            Please don’t start with the safety concern of my closet door, relating to my children. I know it’s not a great idea to have a swinging swaying and almost temperamental closet door within such close proximity to two small kids, but I sincerely feel like any attempt I make to repair it would result in a fatality. Or at least the loss of a limb. I am afraid of heights so standing on a ladder to “assess” the problem is out of the question. I couldn’t tell you the difference between a DeWalt drill and a Ryobi to save my life. The fact that I am able to correctly spell and identify two different types of electric drills can be accredited to my dad for dragging my sister and I through Home Depot as a punishment when we refused to get along as kids. I recently became privy to the difference between a Phillips and a flathead screwdriver, but understanding why there is a need for two different types of screws is lost on me. Let’s pretend that I was to fix this door. Imagine my surprise as I walk into Home Depot or even Lowe’s- clearly I don’t have a preference- and I am distracted by the actual size of the store. I would be overwhelmingly worried about what all I need for this DIY project (Amelie watches a lot of HGTV and I have learned some very important acronyms that are crucial to home projects).  All I know is that the door isn’t opening and closing as it should and this has become an issue.

Would I need safety glasses? Or a hard hat? What if the door is too heavy and it falls on me? My head would be protected, but I am more than the sum of my parts. What if I am on a step-ladder (wait- would I need one of those?) and it falls on me? I wouldn’t even have my footing. All of that Yoga and Pilates would be a wash and if I broke the hypothetical limb as I am predicting I would, then I might even lose my job. I could actually lose money and be at a disadvantage all because of the inconvenience of an unexpected faulty door.

What about gloves? Would one use gloves for this process? And what type of gloves? They sell gardening gloves and dish-washing gloves, and would these be sufficient? Would they get the job done? I don’t think they manufacture Closet Door Repair gloves. Is this even a question an employee of a Home Depot would be able to answer? I don’t think I would know where to begin.

I would end up wandering over to another section that I am far more comfortable in and probably come home with a spectacular looking area rug, whose pattern I just couldn’t resist. This would lead me back to this home improvement heaven in search of paint because I would want to really play up the colors of my new rug. But what about the closet door?

I decided to do myself- and this door- a favor and just remove the entire thing from its uncooperative hinges. I feel like I am in a safer environment and it is no longer glaring at me as it sways to and fro. Until I can muster up the courage (and work on that smile where my dimples make an appearance, especially because I am no longer a blonde) to ask someone to come fix it for me, it will find a home propped up against the wall. It’s kind of European though, as now I have this nice big entrance to my haven of clothes, heels, and bags. I can see everything before I even decide what I want to wear to Publix, Target or the bank. Some days I even get to make an appearance at all three places! This is all very exciting to me.

This morning I awoke to the sun lighting my room through my window. I got out of bed and wobbled (runners walk this way in the morning…) over to my door-lacking entryway, happy that I no longer had to worry about dying. No.

Now I just have to fret over tripping and dying because on this bright and cheery morning, I have discovered that the light bulb just blew out.

Welcome to my life.

Posted by Hayley at 10/9/2009 6:48 PM
Categories: uncategorized

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