I have come to the sad and probably very obvious conclusion that it is never a good idea to join an online dating service claiming to find my “Mr. Right” just a few hours after I’ve researched all of the registered sexual offenders residing in the city in which I live. After committing to memory every face on that list so that I am some sort of vigilante for my daughters, I have begun to confuse some of them with the men that are reportedly single to mingle. This definitely takes the fun and excitement out of pouring through their profiles, my conscience asking, “Wait- haven’t I seen you somewhere else before? Like, on some other kind of registry?”

            This doesn’t bode well in the “getting to know you” section of my virtual world, and I certainly don’t need any more complications.

            This is what has become of my Saturday night, ladies and gentlemen. Not quite divorced, not quite broken up, I have found myself flopping around like a fish out of water wondering why he baited, casted, and caught me just to watch me flounder on the floor of the boat. And until he unhooks me and throws me back, I google.

            Yes, you read that right. I Google all sorts of things. For example, “How long to wait to say I love you,” would be one of the most common phrases that has been typed into my browser. Or let’s try, “How to get over the potential love of your life without having to have him think you’re crazy for ending things when there was really and truly nothing wrong with the progression of the relationship.” That’s a long one, and although I didn’t get an EXACT match to my query, I did get a lot of information on miscommunication and the importance of being earnest. Isn’t that a book?

            I was. I am. I tried to be. I am still trying.

            The one thing that puzzles me about the whole dating world is how it all feels like one giant playground. Why, you ask? Allow me to explain. Because of all the games people play. If you like me, and you want to see me again, just say so. If you don’t want to see me walk away, don’t let me and I won’t. I don’t want to sit around and wait for someone to make a decision that I should have an equal part in making, just because he thinks there is a chance he will make the wrong one. The only thing wrong with that is… everything. Waiting for something to happen means nothing ever will. The only alternative to being afraid to make a wrong turn means eventually you will hit the wall, and then it will be too late. Considering all of your options until there are no options left besides staying where you are means there will be no history in the making. We won’t make it this way because nothing is being made.

            My daughters are in the other room playing “Memory” together. My seven year old is instructing my 2 year old that on the basic rules of the game, and I can’t help but see the irony in this. She is telling her younger sister that she has to play close attention to the first thing she picks up so she remembers what she’s looking for.

            I only had to look at you once to know where to pick up where we left off, and where to find you in the sea of faces even when everyone’s back is turned. I let you down once, I know I did, and I thought I could be my own rock. Subsequently, you are your own island; you think it is better this way because you will never have to take a risk in love, and therefore will never have anything to lose. What you are forgetting is that there isn’t much of a difference between you and me, and we are barely holding it together. Throw me back, because I have found my sea legs again and will swim out to you as fast as they will take me.

            I’ve heard that you get ninety percent of what you ask for, and I ask for us. If this is true, I am willing to ask you ten times, although I am convinced I have already.

            Will you let majority rule?