Our Will.
My younger daughter, Lyv, might possibly suffer from multiple personality disorder. Then again, maybe we all do. Upon reading this confession, one might sit back, remove their eye glasses, take a shot of whiskey and think, “Well Jesus woman, call a doctor!” But it is not what you think. Not everything is a worse-case scenario.
Let me be a tad more specific: My daughter insists on wearing a very carefully selected costume of her picking for one entire week, only removing it for a rushed bath. I emphasize “rushed” because she asks about the aforementioned costume only forty six and one quarter time before I speed up the water to soap lathering and rinsing ratio to save my own mind from exploding.
While she is Little Bo Peep for the week, she cannot be bothered to carry a juice cup, or anything that might impede her ability to carry her shepard’s crook.
Apparently, this is serious business. In fact, I had to commission her assistance the other afternoon when I needed her and my older daughter’s help carrying the groceries in the house. Lyv simply hung her crook around her neck, looked up at me and said, “nothing too heavy mommy, please.”
This, from a two year old.
Last week, while she wore the Disney-inspired Belle costume, it struck me: Are we raising our daughters to be impressed by man-made heroines? Are they in awe of Disney’s princesses because, after all is said and done, they get the guy in the end?
What are we portraying to our little girls? Little Bo Peep couldn’t keep her sheep together. She tried, but she lost them. The nursery rhyme emphatically instructs her to leave them alone, and that’s when they’ll come home, wagging their tails behind them. We learn this as women. We grow up believing that fighting for what you believe in and never giving up will result in success. But then right there in a simple nursery rhyme, we are implored to just leave it alone.
What happens if, when we do this, we are left alone for so long as the unintended result and the consequence of trying to follow the rules becomes the condition we crave? Why must we feel like we have to belong to someone else?
In The Little Mermaid, Ariel had to lose her voice to have her affections returned by a washed-up prince. Literally. He washed up on shore, she sang him a lullaby, as women are taught to do to a small child, and sent him on his way. She made a deal with the devil, lost her ability to speak, and he fell in love. I cannot let this happen to me. If it does, you will hear my screams from here to Illinois.
Belle didn’t gain the freedom she longed for until the Beast felt like there was something in it for him. He was only good when she brought it out of him. I want someone who has enough good in him to make me better, not so lacking in this area that he needs me to spread me so thin, trapping me in the depths of the castle of his ego, only to use me as a tightrope he walks to get to the man he has always wanted to be.
What is left of the woman who stood by him? Underneath him? The last petal falls off the rose, he is good again, and she is worn on his arm like a trophy.
Why did Adam leave Eve in the garden alone, just to blame her for the disorder of his life, and subsequently everyone else’s to follow? She was unclothed, probably cold, and craved contact, communication, and compassion. He told her not to eat the apple, but what choice did she have? I don’t necessarily buy into the talking snake bit, but even if there was a snake, Eve had a choice. Adam left her to fend for herself, and from what I understand, there was no talk of when he’d be back. Isn’t this why we continue to second guess ourselves, even why we wait for the ones we love to come home to us? When they assert they are leaving us and do not entertain question pertaining to their return, why do we set them free while imprisoning our minds with thoughts of their return?
I will not herd you back into my arms, but I will always leave the door open so we both know we are here voluntarily, willingly.
Losing my voice is an impossibility, but I can lower it to hear you out.
Love me because you are good enough to love me, not because it makes you better.
Don’t give me a choice; I have had plenty of those in my lifetime and all of the ones I have made thus far have led me to you. Isn’t that enough to solidify my love for you?
Yours for me?
What if you are never going to be mine?
Then I shall build a widow’s walk, and the floorboards will be worn to match the soles of my feet.
I don’t want to lose any more slippers, get lost in the woods, or give up what’s left of my independence to claim my happily ever after. But please, wake me with your kisses every morning.
Will time be on our side, even if distance and patience aren’t so willing to bend? You would never ask it of me and that is why I will hand it over to you. I’ve watched enough movies and witnessed enough fairy tales gone awry to convince myself that I must see it through, and it will break me if I see it end. I will not give up any part of me for you; if you are a part of me, I will not give you up either.
I am sure I know what loves looks like, because if I see you, there will be no question in my eyes.
I will have my answer in yours.
Yes. (See para 6)
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